Vin Diesel Stars in The Most Awkward Video of All Time

One of the presents the Internet gave us all for Valentine's Day last week is this video of Vin Diesel singing Rihanna's woe-is-me-I-still-date-Chris-Brown-out-of-pure-defiance song, "Stay."

Because the Internet is a nonsensical place, I'm overlooking the mere fact that this video exists (and was posted--on purpose-- by Vin himself) and moving on to analyzing it.

I maintain that even with all the bad vlogging and the Harlem Shaking and the amateur music videos floating around on YouTube, this uncomfortable performance might still be a lead contender for Most Awkward Video of All Time.

First of all, he's standing alone in the corner of what appears to be some sort of hotel ballroom or private dining area at an Italian restaurant where I can only assume he has brought and set up his own projector and PA system just to perform this drag of a song for whatever ragtag group he's assembled there.

Second of all, he sounds like a super villain lamenting mid-movie soliloquy-style, where he is either about to have a change of heart or sink even deeper into his despair-driven evil ways. It's like he's some kind of sinister Jean Val Jean with a really, really fat frog in his throat.

I want to know for whom he is performing in this video.

Is it a secret supervillain society board meeting? Or is he just showing off for his extended family? Or did he rent this room solely to make this video and there is actually no audience at all?

Moving on, we soon get a taste of Vin Diesel's falsetto. Oh, the falsetto. Who told Vin Diesel it was a good idea to sing Rihanna in his head voice?

You may also notice that in addition to singing like a small child, he is doing so on top of the existing Rihanna track. You're seriously telling me he couldn't afford to splurge on the karaoke version or get a friend who knows audio engineering to take out the vocals for him?

I mean, honestly Vin. Go big or go home, I say.

Finally, he refers to Valentine's Day as V-Day. Verbally. I refuse to accept that. You've already wasted three minutes of our lives with the rest of this mockery, what's one more second to say "alentine's"? Were you trying to maintain some loosely-defined street cred? Because I think you've gone too far into the red on that to have any hope of breaking even by 2014.

I just don't know what he was trying to accomplish with this. Women are not impressed. Men are simply offended. Who was he trying to win over? Rihanna fans? (I don't know where they are, but I assume they still exist.) If I were one, I'd have probably just yelled at you to shut up and let the Rihanna sing.

The video has now been removed by the user (shocking), so I guess he actually watched it back at some point. I suppose he'll just have to go back to filming whatever Fast & Furious movie they're on now. 8, I wanna say? If they'll have him. Godspeed, Vin Diesel. Godspeed.

What's the most awkward YouTube video you've seen? (put a link in the comments so we can all be uncomfortable together)

Hey Girl, Happy Balumtine'th Day

In honor of Valentine's day (and also stealing ideas from other blogs I read), I present you with my very own Hey Girl photo, featuring my husband, Craig:  

Those bowls ARE awesome. So sweet of him to notice.

Happy Balumtine'th Day everyone!

ALSO:

BEYONCE NEWS briefs for anyone who cares:

1) Her documentary "Life Is But A Dream" will premiere on HBO this Saturday night. Please tape it for me if you have HBO. (What? No one owns a VCR or uses the phrase "tape it" anymore? 2013's got nothing on 1996.) You can rest assured I will be exhausting all my resources (and friends who are tired of me mooching off their DVR) to ensure I get to see this thing.

2) Our favorite diva songstress is gracing our city with her presence come July, and thanks to the fact that I qualified for a presale and have a birthday in June I've already cashed in my present for, we will officially be there, y'all. And this time I won't even be on the very last row sitting against the wall like we were for T-swizzle. No no, my friend. Section 105, sucka. Let the countdown begin.

What are you doing for Valentine's Day? (Or how are you boycotting it?)

Twitter + Tornado Warnings = BFFs

Custom artwork by yours truly

Note: This is what happens when there are no stock photos of a Twitter bird hugging a tornado. Am I expected to do all the work around here?

I'm a worrier by nature. I'm also a rule-follower. Therefore when the "National Weather Service has issued a tornado warning for Davidson County," I take cover.

I'm not going to be the person who saw there was a warning, ignored it, and is then on the 6:00 news looking all disheveled and traumatized saying "well it had never happened before so I didn't do anything and then my roof blew off and a brick smacked me in the face. Also it sounded like a freight train."

Over the last year or so I've managed to reign it in to minor butterflies rather than borderline panic attack, so I say that's progress. But I often still find myself thinking, "THIS COULD BE IT. THIS COULD BE THE TIME. No one ever thinks it will happen to them but SOMETIMES it does!"

It's possible that because 90 percent of the things you worry about never happen to you (or so they say), I am single-handedly protecting the Nashville area with my hyper-awareness. You can thank me by sending edible arrangements and muffin baskets if you want. Or bring me coffee. I like double vanilla lattes with skim milk.

Anyway, what I've noticed recently is that yet another glorious thing on the long list of reasons why I love Twitter is that it makes storms less scary.

Suddenly it's not just you and your cat huddled in the tiny hallway bathroom, but you and thousands of other people doing the same thing: grumbling about being woken up, commentating on the local weather people, trying to determine what level of frightened you should be.

We've become a community.

NashSevereWX is a huge part of that.

If you don't live in Nashville, or if you do but you just boycott Twitter for some nonsensical reason, this guy (though I think there are now two) has a day job but still pours immense amounts of time and effort into live-tweeting weather updates specifically for Nashville. He makes maps with helpful arrows, he narrows it down by neighborhood, and most of all, he has perfect bedside manner. He tells us what we need to know without scaring us. He tells us if we should wake up our kids or let them sleep. (I of course use "our" very broadly, here.) He tells us when each neighborhood can safely go back to sleep, even if the siren is still going off. He responds personally to nearly everyone's questions. I think he even has all of his own equipment, and he does it out of the goodness of his heart. It truly is amazing.

We can all sleep soundly knowing NashSevere is out there, watching over us. He's basically Batman.

I think all of Nashville should pool together our money and get him the largest-amount gift card of all time to say thank you. How do you say thank you for something like that?

Anyway, between him and the rest of Nashville all tweeting and Instagramming our little hearts out at 3am, it really makes Nashville feel a lot smaller. And somehow safer. And almost...fun.

I KNOW I KNOW. It's ludicrous.* Sideways rain and howling winds are occasionally one percent fun for me. And that wouldn't be possible without Twitter.

Do you look at Twitter during storms? ALSO are you one of those who sleeps through bad weather or are you a vigilante like me?

*REAL TALK: I attempted to spell that word "Ludacris," and genuinely didn't know what the alternative was. So there's that. Thanks a lot, Luda. Aca-awkward.

Vine: The New Silent Film, or Another Vehicle for Cat Videos?

I'm trying really hard to figure out Vine, you guys. At first I didn't really know how people would use it and it seemed a little like the sketchville SnapChat app Facebook is trying to make happen, but now that I've seen some cool ones, it seems fun and like it would have a lot of the same qualities I love about Twitter.

But so far I've pretty much only posted cat videos.

Yep, I've become that person.

Please try not to judge me too harshly. At least they're only 6 seconds long. (Even if they do loop indefinitely.)

(Our cat is orange and has an old-timey name [Beckett] and plays FETCH, okay? That makes him better than approximately 80 percent of cats by default...right? Is anyone still reading this?)

I think perhaps it is harder to use because, from what I've gathered, in order for it to be anything more than just a dumb ol' TwitVId (something I'm basically using it for--so 2011 of me), you have to plan it out in advance. You have to know what you want your end product to be before you start, especially if you're planning on capturing a few seconds here and there to sum up an entire experience.

It takes even more preparation than arranging inanimate objects for an Instagram photo, because this time you have to arrange multiple things and film them in intervals.

But hey, I'm not above that. If I had anything interesting to Vine, I would totally be all over it.

Anyway, all that to say, even though I clearly haven't mastered Vine yet, I have made one particular observation about the app.

I think Vine is the new silent film.

Not in the same way MP3s replaced CDs, because silent films haven't existed in like...70 years or something, right? I'm bad at estimating.

But I do know to even get remotely close to explaining Vine to someone from the generation of silent films (I guess in this scenario you'd have a time machine or a TARDIS*), you'd have to explain cell phones, then the Internet, then smart phones, then apps and social media, and that would just be exhausting.

So maybe it's more like the rebirth after a long hibernation of the silent film or maybe it's like a horcrux of a silent film. I don't know. Just go with it.

Most people (out of like, the 12 Vines** I've seen) are using it to film a sequence of inanimate objects and/or scenes without any narration, or they're recording frame-by-frame time lapse videos. Occasionally I'll see one of a kid talking or some music, but most are silent.

I like it. I think it forces you to be creative visually, because really, what can you explain in six seconds? A Vine is worth 8 million words. Or something like that.

Just like Twitter forces people to be witty due to its required brevity, Vine will force people to use snapshots of film to tell a story (even if it's about cats or pizza).

I'm excited to see how people use it and how it evolves.

I think it has major potential. There are people out there far more creative than I am, and I'm excited to see what they come up with. So I can copy it.

By the way, if you have discovered a cool way to use Vine, please let me know in the comments. My friend Elizabeth and I need help conquering this thing. Don't worry, we've already written a letter to them about being able to save drafts and come back to the app without losing segments. So we're looking out for you. (By that, I mean Elizabeth is, because she's the one that actually wrote the letter. I'm just the person standing behind her yelling "Yeah! Do that!" and taking half credit.)

Have you used Vine yet? Whether yes or no, what do you think?

*I am now watching Dr. Who. I blame my husband. But I mean, HOW charming is Matt Smith? **(also is Vine a verb and a noun like Instagram? I'm treating it as such.)

You can follow me on Vine @laura_mcclellan. Y'know, if you like cats or share my frustration with spinny-rainbow wheels.

The Stain of Former Relationships Left on Celebrity Kids

The unfortunate thing for celebrity kids is that they usually take the last name of whoever their father is.

Wait...let me explain.

I know that's how every kid ever does it, because that's just the way it works, but I maintain it's particularly problematic for celebrities and their offspring.

Since we all know celebrity relationships aren't as....reliable as the average relationship we end up with this problem in which kids are just walking around emblazoned with the last name of some actor the mom dated in the 90's even though this is 2013 and their mom is on their third marriage by now. I mean I guess this could happen in normal relationships, too, but something about the highly-publicized nature of the relationships (past or current) makes this whole situation weird to me.

For example, Reese Witherspoon is walking around with two Phillipes trailing behind her to yoga and froyo places and movie sets. If she hadn't had kids with him, no one would remember that guy Reese Witherspoon dated because she is approximately 30 times more awesome than him. But unfortunately there they stand, reminding the public at large she was once married to the guy from I Know What You Did Last Summer.

"There's Reese Witherspoon with her Kids, Ava and Deacon Phillippe..." Really?

Normally to remedy this, I would just suggest having kids with your spouse and sticking with them, but we all know celebrities don't observe any sort of trite institutions like "marriage" in the same way we might. Consider who we're dealing with here--the bar is lowered significantly.

So I think once you reach a certain level of celebrity it might be advisable to start automatically giving the kids the last name of the mom. Or whoever they're going to be featured with on US Weekly's "Stars: They're Just Like Us!" I'm not sexist.

This is especially important when one parent is considerably more famous than the other.

I'm just saying, those kids are Witherspoons, you know? They're blonde, they're pretty, and they're A-listers (according to Suri Cruise). They don't want to be associated with Ryan Phillippe any more than Reese does. They shouldn't have to suffer for their dad's washed-up 90's fame.

Typically it's clear in most celebrity relationships who the "reacher" and who the "settler"* is in terms of famousness--especially if they have kids together. And it's not fair to label a kid with the reputation of a lame celebrity dad if the aforementioned dad is already out of the picture.

Exhibit B: J.Lo and Marc Anthony. No longer together but they have two kids. Obviously the twins should keep the last name Anthony. LOLOL jay kay. Are we really going to let those kids walk around as boring Anthonies for the rest of their lives when they have J.LO as a mom? Absolutely not. Lopezes all the way.

Exhibit C: Mariah and Nick Cannon--those kids have got to be Careys, through and through, if they want to maintain any sort of dignity. Mariah and Nick are actually still together, but it's probably just because Nick can't afford rent on a one-bedroom apartment on his own and maybe he brings her breakfast in bed or something. If Mariah ever kicks him to the curb, those kids will be Careys before you have time to say [high-pitched run at the beginning of "Fantasy"].

All this to say, I think I'm on to something here. Celebrity children shouldn't have to be walking reminders of rando B-listers. For what they put up with, they deserve more than that. It's really all about the children, you guys.

And us. It's also about us.

We don't want to have to deal with that either. We shouldn't have to wrack our brains trying to remember where they got that last name. We're too busy watching GIFs of people falling down and putting Mean Girls quotes over scenes from Les Mis to have time for that. (But seriously look at that Les Mean Girls site. It's the greatest.)

Who's your favorite celebrity kid? (And should they change their last name?)

*See How I Met Your Mother for explanation.

A Peek Inside My Bachelor Bracket (Because I Made One)

If you follow me on Twitter (which, feel free to do by the way...hint, hint), you may know I watch The Bachelor.

It took a lot of effort for me to write that without a disclaimer.

This is because I'd never watched the show (or its female counterpart) until last year when I stumbled upon this fellow Knox McCoy's scathing-in-the-best-way recaps of the show on his blog. I started reading them and could not stop laughing. I had no idea who these insane people were, but reading the recaps made me wish I did.

So I came in on the last few episodes of Ben's season of The Bachelor to see who "Rabbit Face" and "Horse Lindsay" were. Spoiler alert: everyone was terrible...especially Ben.

Now I watch it so I can be in the cool [term used very loosely] circle of people who watch it every week then deconstruct it and make fun of it while simultaneously hate/loving it. But we all do it together so we're not crazy right? Right??

All that to say, I struggle to tell people I have to get home to watch The Bachelor without following it with "because we cut cable and I can't wait until the next day to see it online because this guy I know from the Internet writes these recaps on Tuesdays and there's a podcast too and a girl who looks like a bridge troll and I JUST CAN'T MISS IT OKAY?"

[deep breath]

So to bring you back to where I started, my name is Laura McClellan, and I watch The Bachelor. (I just cringed again even though you now know I totally watch it ironically and not because I believe in "finding love" this way and you can totally understand that right?)

Ahem.

The most recent run of The Bachelorette was my first full season of watching, so this is my second go-round. (Click here to read my love letter to One-F Jef, a hipster mormon who ended up WINNING the whole thing. Gotta love a Cinderella story.)

My husband and I decided to make it even more obvious that we have too much time on our hands by making a bracket to predict the outcome of the show.

Rules were we could reevaluate after the first episode (since we had gotten to know the girls a bit), then fill out the rest of the bracket. No changing after that.

[Click here to see a cheat sheet of all the girls to help you keep the names straight]

Here is my bracket as it stands currently:

I'm still feeling pretty good about my top 2 - Des and Lesley (Desley?) - and I'm hoping Catherine sticks around for a while, because I like her a lot, but I think AshLee (yes, real spelling) might edge her out down the road. Especially since she's the only one who got Sean to cry out of sympathy on her date and she handled the theme-park-with-terminally-ill-children thing like a pro. In wedges. Her niceness always surprises me despite her mean-looking face.

I'm also a little concerned about how swiftly Sean's brain turns to applesauce whenever Selma is around because I kind of can't stand her and didn't think she would go very far. Mostly due to her voice. She's like an Arabic Kim Kardashian. Wait, is Kim Kardashian Arabic to begin with? Her name sounds Middle Eastern, I guess. Have I just never made that connection? I'm getting off track.

CURRENT BRACKET RUINERS:

Kacie B. She totally ruined my bracket by doing that whole "Um, Shaw-un, these girls are being mildly dramatic and I'm allergic to drama so it's making it impossible for me to function as a normal human being so I just really needed to bring it to your attention so you can help me be a person" and Sean was all "Uh why are you telling me this again?" and then Kacie scrunches up her face a lot and he sends her home privately during the rose ceremony--which I think is more embarrassing than sending you home the normal way--but whatever.

Valiant effort, Kacie B, but I expected more out of your manipulation skills since you were on Ben's season which is why I put you in my top 4. GAH. Why you gotta play me like that?

Daniella. She only gets camera time when they want to show her mispronouncing something or being kindly corrected by Leslie that Atlantis is not the same thing as Hades. She kinda looks a fool 24/7 and I'm not really sure why she's still there. I had her knocked out after week 2 so she's really cramping my style.

The rest I feel okay about. Boring Leslie leaving this week was helpful. Hoping Daniella is the next to go or we're going to have a problem.

If you watch the show, who would you put in your top 4? (HOMETOWN DATES, Y'ALL.)

If not, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you judge me for this post? (REMEMBER THE IRONIC THING,GUYS)

Are Cam and Mitchell the Worst Parents Ever?

 

I feel like we've given Cam and Mitchell a long enough learning curve, here. They've had Lilly for approximately five years. (I think. It's hard to tell because she aged up 2 years over one summer when they downgraded to Lilly 2.0.)

It's time to get real with them.

I mean, they're terrible parents, right?

They let that turdwagon get away with everything. I get they're excited to have a kid and everything after a long process and are just so grateful to have her, but come on. There is such thing as tough love. And not-letting-your-kids-turn-into-entitled-daddy's-girls.

She's kind of a terror. I would hate to be stuck babysitting her. She has never once been disciplined appropriately. The most she ever gets is "now, sweetie, let's not do that..." or "oh no maybe she is getting her terrible behavior from us and we need to start acting better."

Ugh.

She sasses them constantly, never does what they ask her to do, disrespects other adults...it's time to lay down the law with that kid, and, y'know, not give her a powerwheels convertible because you feel bad for not having a cookie with her over the phone and proceed to let her crash it inside the house.

These are not hard parenting concepts. I know I'm not a parent, but I have successfully babysat (and/or run a two-year-old Sunday school class) hundreds of times and never once let a child crash a powerwheels car inside the house. I don't feel like that's too much to ask of you as a parent.

I think she's going to end up being a bully. I'm willing to bet she doesn't play well with others at preschool. She's that kid who thinks everything is hers and has never heard the word "share," isn't she? That kid is always the worst.

I was hoping someone out in the world who loves me would have put together a montage of all her sass on youtube, but alas, I did not find one.

What I did find is this:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHdAjbCKlQM]

OMG. Y'all. She is like this ALL the time.

Is this skit actually a little TOO real? I'm asking. (But really I'm telling. It is. It's at least a warning sign of things to come.)

So Cam and Mitch, how about a little less "you're the most special person in the world" and a little more "life's tough, get a helmet?"*

I quote Tina Fey [in Bossypants] when I say,

Is this not the absolute worst thing you could instill in a child? They're the most important person? In the world? That's what they already think. You need to teach them the opposite. They need to be a little afraid of what will happen if they lose the top of their Grizzly Adams thermos.

Lilly needs to be even just the tiniest bit afraid of what will happen if she loses her Grizzly Adams thermos. That's all I'm saying.

Are you on board with Cam & Mitch's passive parenting or do you think she needs to get a time-out or two every once and a while?

*copyright Boy Meets World circa 1998.

Iran, Monkeys and Mohawks

So while you were at work or school or a coffeeshop writing zombie poetry (a genre yet to be explored) yesterday, Iran announced they have officially sent a monkey to space and back. That's adorable. We sent a person to the moon in the 60's.

But whatever, good for you, I guess.

I'm mostly just concerned about the monkey and his feelings. He was all alone in a space ship 75 miles above the earth with nary a wise-cracking bug friend to speak of.

(LIGHTBULB: make feature animated film about this monkey. Add wise-cracking bug friend.)

Poor little guy. I bet he was scared. Or maybe he slept through it. I don't know. Maybe monkeys are less afraid of dying in rocketship explosions than humans are.

But seriously, should we as a country be concerned about this? I mean I know China's going to kick our butts and own us all in the near future or something but, Iran? Really? Are we just going to sit around watching them send chimpanzees into orbit and not do anything about it? Are we not a country in which one-upsmanship is a virtue? Do we not make people compete for love for our own enjoyment? This is America and we will not stand idly by while middle eastern monkeys float in the cosmos.

WHY AREN'T YOU ON THIS, MOHAWK GUY?

You can't ride on that Mars rover thing forever. Get back out there and beat the Iranians. Send a monkey to MARS. That will show them.

But if you do, please send a friend along with him. I don't like the idea of him being all alone for that long. And you wouldn't do that, would you mohawk guy? You're young, you're a humanitarian, you wear TOMS, right? Of course you do. You have a mohawk.

Here we are wasting precious time talking about frivolous things like "gun control" and "universal healthcare" when really we should be focusing all our efforts on getting zoo animals on mars.

(SECOND LIGHTBULB: OMG you guys, Mars Zoo. Wouldn't they be adorable in their little astronaut outfits?)

All I'm saying is, let's pick up the pace a bit here. I know NASA pressed pause on space shuttles or something but let's unpause that game and make it happen.

What do you suggest we do to fix this imbalance?

MORE IMPORTANTLY: Would you watch a movie about a monkey going to space and his wise-cracking bug friend?

Toddlers and Award Show Gowns

As a woman, I get it. We love all things mini. Salt shakers, TOMS, pigs. If it's about 30 percent or less the size of the original, it's automatically adorable. But I don't understand the point of this "project." I use quotes because I don't really know how this can be construed as a project if there is no artistic or practical value whatsoever.

It's eloquently named "ToddleWood," (not a thing) and basically this photographer lady thought her kid looked like Donna Summer so she dressed her up like Donna and took pictures and decided that it would be totally a great idea to do this to other people's kids, too.

If you're wondering if this exactly like Cam from Modern Family used to do to Cute Lilly (not to be confused with New Lilly, who is the worst), you'd be right.

I'm not the least bit surprised that this is being touted as a respectable artistic endeavor, I just have trouble understanding why. What justifies its existence?

Is it a commentary on society? No. It is literally a replica of society.

Is it filling some previously glaring hole in our culture? No. In no way did we need this. Plus we have Honey Boo Boo so that's enough out of makeup-wearing toddlers for a while.

Is it raising money for some sort of charity? As far as I can tell, no.

Is this photographer Anne Geddes? No.

I mean really. What are we doing here, guys? Let's just reign it in, okay? How about doing something more productive with your time?

We are supposed to be impressed that the group turned around this Golden Globes photoshoot in two days.

Here is a list of things you could have done with those two days instead:

1) Written a letter to your congressman. Several times. 2) Volunteered at a homeless shelter. 3) Painted a picture. (A.K.A. real art.) 4) Petted a goat at a zoo. 5) Learned how to play a song on the ukelele and posted it on youtube. Sure, it would be cliche, but then you could've said "hey, I didn't dress any kids up like Anne Hathaway in the last 48 hours. High five, me." Which is something you no longer have the privilege of saying. 6) Written a zombie novel. (How hard could it be?) 7) Broken the world record for most Girl Scout Cookies eaten in a day. (Actually, no, you couldn't do that until mid-February. Curse you, tiny salespeople and your parents who actually do all the work. You expect too much of us.) 8) Memorized the presidents. 9) Organized a protest against leggings being worn as pants. (Please. It's for the children.) 10) Binge-watched Friday Night Lights (highly recommended).

But no, you didn't. You did this:

And this:

Ok but seriously how beautiful is that child?

And this:

Is this even creative? You're literally trying to copy someone as accurately as possible. They say copying is the sincerest form of flattery, but any sixth grader with a best friend who won't just pick her own darn Halloween costume knows that's total crap.

I think Taylor Swift would say the same, don't you? Or at least write it in her journal because she's too nice to say it to your face.

These children do not even count as toddlers. You don't get to pass as a toddler anymore if you are old enough to go to school. Sure these kids may long for that youthful look of yore, but those days are gone, okay? Welcome to elementary school, kid. Wake up and smell Presidential fitness test.

So I say, creators of this alleged "project," just take a beat, maybe join a book club or volunteer somewhere or something, and go from there. That's all I ask.

Only-slightly-related question: what was your favorite Halloween costume (whether your friend totally copied it or not)?

Justin Bieber Concert Experience: The Recap

Note: Thank you to those who gave me some feedback on whether or not they would like to read this recap. The answer was (shockingly) overwhelmingly "yes." As always, I give the people what they want. If you find yourself reading this and thinking, "wow, this is an enormous waste of my time," remember -- you asked for it. Just...remember that okay? 

It was an event unlike any other. The constant gleam from the sequined tutu-style skirts and similarly glittery fake Ugg boots of 8 year olds, the roar of 18,000 excitable youth rising with each hopeful break in the interim Michael Jackson songs and falling disappointedly with each realization that no, it was not time for the show to start, the sea of purple flat-brimmed hats emblazoned with the popstar's trademark unword "swaggy" on the underside.

It's safe to say neither my companion Hilary nor I had seen the likes of this environment anywhere else.

There was an adorable sense of pure excitement bubbling over from the kids younger than about 13 which was just too endearing to be annoyed by. They bopped along, holding hands with a parent to avoid abduction, scarcely believing they were HERE about to see JUSTIN BIEBER. They were my favorite fans.

There were of course a vast array of homemade t-shirts, some more sophisticated than others. The puffy paint industry probably noticed a sharp uptick in sales in the Middle Tennessee area last week.

Surprisingly we also saw a few groups of glammed-up seemingly-30-year-old women wearing a new level of atrocity in the way of leggings as pants with nary a child to be seen in their party.

The show began with none other than Biebs' bodyguard/personal hype-man/sidekick Kenny Hamilton welcoming us in.

Insert the aforementioned atomic-bomb-level decibel increase here.

The first performer was Cody Simpson, who I vaguely recognized from Disney Channel or something. Wikipedia tells me this is because he was a guest on "So Random!" (essentially the 21st century forgets-what-a-real-book-is 13-year-old's version of "All That") once and also appeared on this thing where Disney tries to find the Next Big (obscure, played-excusively-on-Radio-Disney) Thing as a mentor to the NBT.

Basically all you need to know is he's blonde, Australian and was born in 1997 which makes me feel sufficiently ancient.

He sang catchy pop songs, danced with a chair eerily similar to the Britney days of yore, and did a little too much pelvic thrusting to be appropriate for the audience, in my humble opinion.

I can't be sure, but I think he donned a royal blue silk pajama suit similar to the one Barney from HIMYM wears, except instead of a tie he wore a wifebeater underneath so that he could take off the jacket and 13-year-olds would squeal.

Seriously how much do we know about this guy? I'm asking.

Highlight performance: an underwhelming snippet of "N***** in Paris" from Watch the Throne. (I know, right?)

Then comes Carly Rae.

I love me some "Call Me Maybe" (haters to the left) and "Good Time," so I was pretty pumped for this.

Most of her songs were super repetitive (that's coming from a pop music fan), but I really liked "Your Heart Is A Muscle" and thoroughly enjoyed the aforementioned songs. Cody sang Owl City's part and was not that great but that song is pretty much un-ruinable, so I enjoyed it.

She had a pink mic stand and wore a black dress and pretty much looked like I expected her to look. At least from section 303, row C.

I'm a sucker for gang vocals and any form of corporate singing so I also soaked in the moment of an arena full of people singing the pop anthem of 2012 together.

Highlight performance: Good Time

THEN IT WAS TIME.

Wait, just kidding. Then we waited nearly an hour for his highness to arrive on stage.

During this time, it got ugly.

It is unreasonable to ask a mob of thousands of teenage girls to wait for the most famous heartthrob on the planet for 56 minutes. It just is.

I'm just saying, the environment was getting unstable.

First it was just the whooing whenever there was a break between MJ songs.

Then came the wave. Never underestimate the power of teenage girls determined to accomplish the same purpose. It was the most swiftly organized round of the wave I'd ever witnessed. In a mere two rounds, nearly everyone was participating.

After the wave came the chanting.

Oh, the chanting.

"JUSTIN! JUSTIN! JUSTIN!" Fairly reasonable and expected.

But then, "JUST-IN BIE-BER, *clap clap clapclapclap* JUST-IN BIE-BER, *clap clap clapclapclap*"

Then, "HUR-RY U-UP, *clap clap clapclapclap*"

NO. Just no. That cadence is reserved for basketball games and…well, that's it. Just basketball games.

Thankfully at this point a countdown finally appeared on the giant screen.

…starting at 10 minutes. Sigh.

The screaming grew in intensity until finally only 60 seconds remained. It was finally time.

The Biebs entered via harness (as was expected) wearing enormous angel wings and all white and looking half-dead. I'm not really sure what the symbolism was.

There was lots of white flowy fabric and some dancers who may or may not have been angels, too? I don't know. I think it had something to do with "Believe." That's all I can decipher.

Between the white suit, the wifebeater underneath the jacket (if you're sensing a theme, you're right) the oval sunglasses and the hair (short on the sides, puffed up and combed back on the top), he was very 80's fabulous.

Since his set was about two hours long and this post is about two hours long so far, I'll just give you the rundown:

Set: It was actually a little disappointing because I expected it to be pretty elaborate after seeing Taylor Swift last year. Mostly just 8,000 screens, but they did a lot with them. Once, they were on a boat (I think) and Justin dove off into an abyss in the stage but appeared below on a screen, swimming. Things like that were pretty great.

Unexpected appearance: a hype-man DJ. He did things like yell "jump! jump! jump!" a lot and banter with JB.

Scaffolding choice for acoustic set: While the scaffolding was not heart-shaped, the Biebs did not disappoint. He was raised up in a cherry-picker-style contraption that swiveled around to serenade us all equally with "Be Alright" and "Fall." "Fall" is one of my favorites from Believe, so I was a little disappointed it wasn't full band, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I also discovered he is a left-handed guitar player. So, fun fact for you.

Costume changes: Mostly just a lot of wifebeaters and pants that must be specially made for him since they are a walking contradiction: baggy from the waist to mid-thigh, then skinny the rest of the way down. One pair was zebra striped. I don't defend his fashion choices, you guys. Just his music.

Some gold gloves, a fedora and bright red patent leather high top sneakers also made appearances. The shirt came completely off during the encore, at which point Hilary and I yelled at him like the old fogies we are to pull up his darn pants. We could see far too much of his bright red tighty-whities (tighty-reddies?).

Transitions: There were a few videos in between sets with clips from home videos when he was a kid, and him talking to the camera in black and white (so you knew it was serious) about following your dreams and it was actually pretty precious. Never say never and believe and all that. In the video he was actually wearing a real shirt and his hair looked normal, which I think paid off in the delivery.

One Less Lonely Girl Report: The girl was only brought up towards the end of the song, which I thought was kind of a rip off, but she got to sit on a throne made of fake speakers and such, which was pretty cool. Her name was Asia and she was adorable. Also JB danced up on her a bit (still in the wifebeater) which probably made her mom uncomfortable but it's JUSTIN BIEBER so who cares, right?

Highlight performances: The encore--"Boyfriend" then "Baby"--can't go wrong there, and "Beauty and the Beat." Nicki Minaj performed live via satellite. Jay kay, jay kay, it was just her face on a screen that assembled on stage right before her part but it was still pretty awesome. And at the end of that song, JB did his drum solo, which made it even more great. That kid is insane.

All in all it was a solid show. The band and arrangements were great as always (and by "always" I mean the few times I've seen them on TV and on Never Say Never), and I thought he sang really well. Especially considering that he was apparently under the weather.

It was a lot of fun, and I'm so glad I got to have the experience.

Oh, and before I forget…the requests:

Shaved Head Count: Disappointingly, zero. Did he perform all of his songs? No. He did do a medley of some older songs ("One Time," "Eenie Meenie" and "Somebody to Love") which allowed him to get some more in, but he definitely didn't do all of them. Notable exceptions: "U Smile" and "Thought of You" (both I really like), but he did a surprising amount of them considering the "Believe" album has 17 tracks. Set Length: approx. 2 hours. Level of Amazing: 11

Did I leave anything out you wanted to know? What's the best concert you've ever been to?

Goin' to the 'Biebs, Y'all

Attention, readers: this is not a drill. I repeat, THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

This is the real deal. The time has come.

Tomorrow night, my friend Hilary and I are braving swarms of squealing teenagers in homemade t-shirts to be serenaded by none other than The Biebs himself.

Will he soar over the audience in heart-shaped scaffolding? Will he bring out T-Swizzle for no other reason than to increase the decibels in Bridgestone Arena to atomic-bomb level? Will he point to the audience a lot and wear a lot of brightly colored pleather? One can only hope.

The only unfortunate thing is that I'm pretty sure I'm sitting too far back to be chosen as the One Less Lonely Girl. DRAT.

We also get the distinct joy of singing 2012's most popular song with 20,000 other people, because Carly Rae Jepsen is his opening act. This tour is almost too Canadian to function.

The good news is, if I learned anything from T-Swizzle's tour last year, the children aged about 11 and under tend to start to lose steam halfway through. The littlest ones even fall asleep. So the screamfest should die down at some point. Though, this is THE Biebs, after all, so perhaps that is wishful thinking.

Hilary is an audiologist, so she'll probably be able to tell me what decibel level we have reached and whether or not I should be worried about permanent hearing loss.

I will also consider this a cultural experience and take copious mental notes so I can report back to those of you who would never venture into this kind of atmosphere of insanity.

What do you want to know about the Biebs concert experience? I will be your representative. (AND...should I get a t-shirt?)

Beyonce News: The Greatest Week of All Time

 Disclaimer: I know it's Monday and I'm usually not a Monday poster, but I really just could NOT hold it in any longer.

Guys, this has been a monumental week in Beyonce news. I almost can't believe my luck. It's like she knows my duty to report to the people all things Beyonce. It's days like these that really remind us why we do what we do, you know?

So as you probably know, Beyonce announced last week that Destiny's Child is BACK and going to put out an album. In fact, it is already out to preorder. So THIS IS HAPPENING. Not just speculation. If you pre-order it, it will come.

And as if THAT weren't enough, it was also announced that they are performing TOGETHER at the Super Bowl.

So not only do we get Beyonce at the Super Bowl, a decidedly monumental improvement from the last few years' wardrobe malfunctions and bands with singers who can't carry a tune anymore, but we get Destiny's Child.

I just...the world is finally getting on board with being awesome, you know? It's like our endurance through the years of novelty rap songs, Cher and Madonna's comebacks, and Christina's "Dirrrty" phase were all leading up to this one moment when it would all be worth it.

Sigh. Let's just bask in it for a moment.

It's kind of like Beyonce was just like, "Aw, Kanye, you and Kim are having a baby? That's adorable. I did that a year ago and now I'm fulfilling the dreams of an entire generation with a single performance. So, y'know, your move."

And this is all in the wake of Justin Timberlake's triumphant return to music. OH THE HUMANITY. (Which, P.S., you're welcome for that, you guys.)

Only in the case of Beyonce would any event even come close to rivaling that news.

Is 2013 going to be the best year ever? So far, DUH.

See ya 2012. You live in a world in which Justin is still in baseball movies and Beyonce is still a one-woman show. So two-thousand and late.

So IN YO FACE, Mayans. Maybe this is our reward for living past December 21.

If the President had come to my house over the weekend AND I'd gotten to play Just Dance on Kinect with Michelle Obama AND he had created a new position just for me, the Curator of American Pop Culture, AND Tina Fey wanted to go eat froyo with me and be my best friend, this would still be the best news I've heard all week.

I mean, surely they'll do a medley including Survivor, Independent Women, Bootylicious, and Say My Name, right? GAH I can't wait. Seriously y'all better hush during the halftime show this year.

Finally a reason to attend a super bowl party other than just "food" and "good company." Am I right?

What song do you most hope Destiny's Child reprises?

*Coming up on Beyonce News...still keeping an eye out for the documentary (#beyoncedocwatch2013) and of course reporting back on all superbowl halftime show OR Destiny's Child-related news! Stay tuned, sportsfans!

P.S. If anyone would like to create a catchy newsy-sounding sound effect/intro tune for my Beyonce News series (COUGHforfreeCOUGH), PLEASE do.

Vitamin C: A Former Popstar NOT Failing at Life

Until this very moment you may have long forgotten the fiery-haired popstar known by the moniker "Vitamin C" around the turn of the millennium. You may have erased ol' [SPOILER ALERT] Colleen Fitzpatrick from your mind rolodex because she was taking up valuable space you now need to use to keep all the characters on Downton Abbey straight. Well, move over meaner-looking-MacGonagall,* I'm bringing Vitamin back in.

I recently discovered that not only is Vitamin C still in the biz, but she is actually killing it.

This is Vitamin C's game face.

Here are some things Vitamin C has done right:

1) Wrote songs that are impossible to disassociate with everyday life. Seriously. "Put a smile on your face, make the world a better place?" Could there be any more generic lyrics? She teamed this wisdom up with an unequivocally catchy melody, and bam. It has been in my head for days since I googled it. Not to mention it's the perfect commercial song for like, cleaning products or chocolate or really anything except those ASPCA ads.

But her true feat of songwriting has got to be "Graduation (friends forever)." She wrote a song about GRADUATION and managed to get it on the radio. Genius. For the next 10 years that song was sung by 18-year-old girls all across middle America as other 18-year-old girls swayed and cried.

This song is now considered a landmark among graduation-themed songs (according to Wikipedia). Of which there have to be DOZENS, right?

2) Wrote a song for Hannah Montana. I can only imagine the kind of cash that brings in. It was featured not only on the TV show, but the movie as well. [insert cash register noise here] She also wrote a song for Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato to perform on a Disney Channel Original Movie about a princess under cover, which I appreciate.

3) She is currently the VP of music for Nickelodeon. She oversees it all--including Nickelodeon's sister channels--and handles all the A&R and management of Nickelodeon's artists.

I'm just saying, I wouldn't mind being ol' Vitamin right now. Rather than let that novelty song define her, she just sits around being awesome and watches the cash roll in. You go, Vitamin C. You go.

What song was sung at your high school graduation?

*DISCLAIMER: I have only watched the pilot of Downton Abbey.

Remember that time Ryan Lochte got a TV show?

I'm beginning to think E! will stop at nothing to ensure every human being on the planet has been on a reality show at least once in their existence. Seriously, is there anything they won't film and throw haphazardly on the TV screen?

It's kind of like they take that "throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks" approach. If that's an approach at all. I can't remember if that's a real expression or not. When I was about 8, my neighbor taught me to throw noodles up to the ceiling to see if they were done. I'm not sure if that's something everyone did. Moving on.

There's a whole host of Kardashian programming (really they should just have their own channel by now, right? I think it should be named "K!" Both because it is a rip-off of "E!" and because it sounds like you are agreeing emphatically with someone when you say it.), a show about Tia and Tamara Mowry (sorry, they're fine and all, but that's a low bar), and a myriad of other crazy parades they throw in there, I believe, solely to give The Soup content.

And now, there's Lochte.

Yep, everyone's not-so-favorite swimming douchebag, Ryan Lochte, has been given a show. Ugh. As much as my affinity for Michael Phelps has dissipated over the years due to his overconfidence, pot-smoking and Subway ads, I like this guy even less. Though I suppose his apparent dimness could be entertaining on camera.

I really wish they would just give the "Fierce 5" a show and call it a day. Olympic training combined with high school girl drama has got to make good television, right?

Anyway, they have ordered 6 episodes of Lochte-vision, and basically their argument for putting him on TV is that he is dumb and pretty, which makes up for his tendency to be a tool I guess. I think we've got enough dumb and pretty people on TV, y'know? What is Lochte going to bring to the table that the cast of the Bachelor and/or Bachelorette can't? I'm asking.

The show will follow him as he continues his rigorous training and tries to "find the right gal." Sounds about right. Probably lots of making out and frat-tastic language will make appearances. That and abs. Lots of abs.

Apparently he even has Lochte-isms including the spellbinding "jeah" and the fact that he pees in pools.

Sigh. I don't even know if I could handle this. It sounds too outrageous to enjoy normally but not outrageous enough to enjoy ironically.

Would you watch a show following Ryan Lochte? If not, what Olympian(s) would you rather watch?

Product Pitch: Dark Mark Cream for Former Death Eaters

There are infomercials for a myriad of ridiculous products--some for people who can't seem open things without it ending in disaster, some to help people lie about their age, some to take care of pets when their owners don't want to. Recently I saw an ad for one of those blemish-correcting creams (real talk: do those actually work?). It touted the fact that it got rid of unsightly spots and dots and wrinkles, whatever. You know the drill.

But rather than using the term "dark spots," like most commercials do, this particular one chose to use the phrase "dark marks."

Ohhh, random fix-it cream. You have just made this Harry Potter nerd's day. What resulted was the following product of my imagination. So without further ado, I present to you the ad spot I would pitch for this cream if it actually got rid of dark marks:

***

Are you a disgraced Death Eater? Did you align yourself with the face of pure evil against your better judgment, only to find that good really does always triumph, just like your mother warned you?

We know what it's like. You sulk through the cobbled streets of Diagon Alley with your head hung low. You sweat constantly in the summertime because you're forced to wear long sleeves to conceal the tell-tale symbol of your treachery. You long to cast off your robe and feel the breeze cascade over your forearms without risking being stupefied by random passersby (old habits die hard, you know).

Storyboard Frame 1 Draft

Well, we're here to help.

Introducing Dark Mark Cream! Your ticket to assimilating back into society and living out the rest of our days a wizard free from shame.

Storyboard Frame 2 Draft

This magical ointment is no Weasley trickery. Just three applications daily, and in a matter of months your ominous snake tattoo will start to fade--and your poor reputation along with it.

Storyboard Frame 3 Draft

The secret is rare basilisk venom--known for its infamous destruction of He Who Must Not Be Named. Just a drop of the coveted serum in each bottle allows the balm to seep into your skin and ZAP that evil right out.

So stop sweating and start salving. It's time to get your life back.

Storyboard Frame 4 Draft

Dark Mark Cream: Because everyone makes mistakes.

Available wherever shameful antidotes are sold. And probably Borgin and Bourke's.

Oh, The Humanity: Kim and Kanye Make A Kid

This whole baby thing is getting way out of control. I don't know if it's just because I've started paying more attention to celebrities or because my Facebook feed is filled with pregnancies and babies lately, but I mean honestly. Have there always been this many celebrity babies and pregnancies at once? Especially ones that are the products of not just one, but two celebrities? Let's just recap Blue Ivy's contemporaries for a minute: Jessica Simpson's big ol' baby (numbers one and two), The Royal Baby, Snooki's baby...where does it end?

I'll tell you: with Kimye's baby. [Note: I just found out "Kimye" was a thing.]

I mean, it has to end here, right? This has to be it. I don't know how much more of this grand science experiment the American public can take.

The whole celebrity baby mania thing is just one magnificent spectacle of one-upsmanship. "I'll see your Blue Ivy Carter and raise you a Royal Baby. No, y'all, check this out, a baby who is half nonsense-famous shiny diva and half loudmouthed rapper."

I'm starting to think this whole relationship was a sham--that every photo op and self-started rumor was strategically pieced together solely for this purpose.

Before you write it off as an impossible task for seemingly dense individuals such as they, just consider it. I mean come on--how did she go this long without getting pregnant and then just HAPPEN to conceive a child with Kanye freaking West?

Maybe Kim was all, "Heyyyyy Kanye, like, you're hot, and I'm like, hot AND media-savvy, so like, let's date and be controversial and then shock the world by having a baby together k?"

And maybe Kanye was all, "Girl you know I'll do anything for controversy. Especially considering the way my career is going right now. Remember that time I stole the mic from Taylor Swift? That was pretty shocking, right?"

And boom, a few months later--Kimye Baby. I'm not saying it happened exactly like that, I'm just saying there's about a 98 percent chance it totally did. Give or take a "like" or "girl."

Sigh.

Poor Blue Ivy. As if she didn't have enough competition to deal with--times being what they are, you know--royal baby on the way and all that. I feel like little Kimye Baby is going to be the crazy cousin Blue is constantly being embarrassed by in public.

Kimye: "Check it out, y'all! I'm wearing nothing but shutter shades and pull-ups! Take my picture!" Blue Ivy: [EXASPERATED SIGH] [Covers face with tastefully-manicured hand donning dainty designer bracelet] Kanye: [takes pictures of Kimye with his iPhone12, laughing and plastering them all over Twitter with misspelled captions] my baby aint lyk no 1 eles! Beyonce: [Shoots a look at Jay-Z] Jay-Z: [under his breath] Okay, let's get out of here before he notices we're gone. Who do you hope Kimye looks most like: Kanye or Kim? (Hard choice, I know)

12-Month Wrap Up (Wrap, Wrap Wrap Up)

Alas, 2012 is coming to an end. I kind of can't believe it, but at the same time I feel like I'm a different person than I was 12 months ago, so I guess it really did happen. In the spirit of Liz Lemon [the spirit in which I try to do most things], I thought I'd do a 12-month wrap-up (wrap wrap wrap up).

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STDb9Fyd8AU]

To save you some time reading hundreds of parenthetical side notes and rambling sentences, I thought the best way to approach this would be in list-form.

Especially since you are likely on vacation, and really, who wants to wade through a bunch of nostalgic blubberings when they're on vacation?

And I like you. And I want you to read the things I write. So it only seems fair.

AHEM. Right, the lists were to prevent me from rambling. So HERE WE GO.

Things I learned in 2012:

1. People really like their bacon.
2. Having a community of people you trust is of the utmost importance in order to get through life.
3. It's possible to walk through something difficult and come out on the other side, because God is faithful.
4. I'm actually pretty ok at this whole writing thing.
5. At least two people on the planet think I am good enough at writing to pay me to do it, which is amazing.
6. The term "selfies."
7. Two-year-olds are my favorite age group.
8. Marriage isn't always easy, but it's worth it 100 times over.
9. I don't actually like Starbucks' pumpkin spice lattes.
10. Just as many people can't stop watching House Hunters as me.
11. A lot about my identity and living free from expectations of others.
12. The title for The Worst Person Ever is a close call between Lindsay Lohan and Chris Brown.
13. I am capable of loving a cat. Like, a lot.
14. Podcasts are a great way to pass time and be entertained without crashing your car or falling off a treadmill. Also they are FREE. (I recommend The Courtesy Laugh, Nerdist and Xtra Bacon)

Books I read in 2012:

1. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - J.K. Rowling
2. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - J.K. Rowling
3. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - J.K. Rowling
4. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - J.K. Rowling
5. Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
6. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
7. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) - Mindy Kaling
8. Every Bush is Burning - Brandon Clements
9. The Pursuit of God - A.W. Tozer
10. Purity - Jackson Pearce
11. Bird by Bird - Anne Lamott
12. On The Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness - Andrew Peterson
13. North! Or Be Eaten - Andrew Peterson
14. The Monster in the Hollows - Andrew Peterson

[currently brushing my shoulder off]

I've always been bad at finishing books, so one of my finish year goals was to finish the Harry Potter series and read two additional books. That list has 14 books on it. WHAT UP BOOKS. Come at me, bro.

By the way, I highly recommend all of the above.

Writery and/or Internet-y Things I did in 2012:

1. Wrote an ebook.
2. Got this whole blog thing rollin'.
3. Made friends on Twitter (it's not weird, okay?)
4. Guest posted.
5. Talked about TV a lot.
6. Tweeted even more than that.
7. Did my first freelance writing and editing work.

Overall it's been a year filled with highs and lows--like every year I suppose--but I think even though the lows were lower, the highs were much higher. I think that's the way it's supposed to be, anyway.

I learned a lot about myself and accomplished a lot in the way of pursuing writing, which I'm proud of.

Dang. This post was still really long. If you made it this far, congratulations! If I could I would send you all emoji stars and smiley faces for days. [side note: I just enabled emojis on my phone.]

Happy new year, everyone!

What did you do this year?

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from the McClellans!

(Our cat is not a demon, I swear.)

The Triumphant Resurgence of the Muppets

If you're not looking for them, you may not have noticed, but there's an ancient tribe of creatures slowly infiltrating back into society. They've been gone for a while. You may have even known them in the past and forgotten about them. But they're still there. If you survey your surroundings, you may catch glimpses of purple felt and wispy hair flash by out of the corner of your eye. You may hear a chorus of tiny voices singing jubilantly and laughing together from a distance. You may even hear a banjo and a froggy serenade.

Who are these creatures?

They're The Muppets, and they're making a comeback.

While they've never completely disappeared, they have been under the radar for years. Fraggle Rock was but a memory of 80's children everywhere. Kermit's star on the hollywood walk of fame was lonely, and there was nary a puppet to be seen on television, movies or even web series.

That all changed over the last few years thanks in large part to one man's quest to bring the gang back into the spotlight. Jason Segel used his beloved funny-man status to revive the franchise on the big screen, using their post-glory-days status as part of the storyline itself and winning over a new generation of muppet-lovers.

Alongside their premiere in tinsel town came appearances all over TV, the Internet and music. They even had awkward interactions with Maynard and One F on the Bachelorette.

The Fraggles made a music video with Ben Folds, courtesy of Chris Hardwick, which also starred Anna Kendrick.

Neil Patrick Harris has started a muppet (though not the originals)-themed web series called "Neil's Puppet Dreams," in which the fictional Neil has a condition in which he dreams in puppet. [warning: not the kid-friendly muppets of yore]

Ceelo Green features the muppets in a song on his Christmas album, in which they sing the legendary "manamanah" song in the background. (Don't act like that song has any other name.) Also I literally JUST discovered that music video and it is bringing me much joy, especially hearing Kermit say "Hotlanta" and the fact that Craig Robinson is in it.

The Muppets are back, you guys.

People who grew up with them are gaining power in the media circuit and making this happen. Did you know Neil Patrick Harris has a puppet workshop in his garage? Because he does, and he's not ashamed.

Where did this sudden Muppet pride come from? Is it the power of youtube? Is it 2/5 of the cast of How I Met Your Mother? Is it Ceelo's uncanny resemblance to a Muppet himself?

I can't be sure.

But one thing is for certain: puppets are cool again. ["Cool" in this instance is a relative term.]

Who's your favorite Muppet? Mine's a toss-up between Fozzie and the old heckler guys.

Ode to New Girl's Nick Miller

The leading character in New Girl has been in constant flux for me. Of course, I came (though hesitantly) for Zooey Deschanel. I stayed for Schmidt because the episode where he goes to the beach and tries to overcome his phobias is one of the best TV episodes of all time. ("I can get a tetanus shot, but I can't cure damaged suede!")

But now, my favorite character is unequivocally Nick Miller.

His dramatic declarations combined with his old-man cynicism make him a type of character I don't think I've seen before. He's living the stereotypical bachelor life and hates it, but not enough to make a change. Mostly because he hates change, which I totally understand.

I also identify with his old-man "those damn kids are too loud!" attitude, and I love his unwavering commitment to not get too involved in anyone's personal life. He's got all the best hints of Liz Lemon and Ron Swanson stuffed inside a 28-year-old bartender's body.

I like that New Girl is still in that stage where they don't feel like they "have" to do anything to develop characters at this point. Nick doesn't have to have some kind of revelation that his life is meaningless and turn all soft on us (ahem, Barney Stinson). He can go on living his standoffish anti-warm-fuzzies life and writing his terrible zombie novels for a little while longer without the story arc leading him to find a real job or a serious girlfriend.

So for now we get to enjoy his tearful, desperate speeches to Schmidt trying to remedy their friendship over an unappreciated cookie.

"Got me a cookie, gave you a cookie! Gotmeacookiegaveyouacookie! Gommecookie Gaveyoucookie!"

Probably one of my favorite Nick Miller moments so far. The way it degenerates into complete nonsense speech, pleading for Schmidt to just take him off the hook, is so classic.

Poor Winston. He's trying. I think the fact that Nick is the anti-Schmidt makes them far too much of a duo for Winston to ever really fit in. They're trying with the Nick/Winston backstory, but it's not really happening.

Though I am loving the Nick flashbacks like the one where he's sitting on the porch steps yelling at other children to stop throwing stuff on his lawn. [Note: I can't confirm that that is actually what he was yelling about, because the internet apparently didn't like this clip as much as I did.]

What's your favorite Nick moment? Alternately, what do you think they should do about what will henceforth be calledThe Winston Problem?