Pumping the Brakes on Happy Endings

Recently it has come to my attention that not only do people not view Happy Endings as the worst show ever, they actually seem to ENJOY it. The cold opens I'd seen after Modern Family had repeatedly made me want to die a little inside, so I got all clinical about it to see if I could determine what all the fuss was about. Below are my findings:

Pre-Research Generalizations:

Casey Wilson is the worst. She has crazy eyes and no one likes her.

I'm very AWARE they're acting in the cold opens. And everyone is way too over the top.

Post-Research Generalizations:

Okay, I'll admit it. I laughed out loud a couple of times. It has more potential than I thought. I think the individual characters have their funny moments--even in pairs-- but I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of obnoxious chaos when watching the group all together. Like I somehow got invited to a dinner where I don't know anyone and everyone is talking loudly about stuff I don't get and the waitress is standing by our table like, "Um, who ordered the fish tacos?" and no one is listening.

Group Dynamic:

The group dynamic, to me, comes off like this: WEIRD NOSES, SCREAMING, OBSCURE REFERENCE, CHAOS ENSUING, CLUMSY FUMBLING, MORE WEIRD NOISES...I just want to do one of those moments like in teen movies when they're in a cafeteria and no one will stop talking and the smallest, most unexpected character stands on a chair and yells, "QUIEEEEET!" and everyone is like, whoa, and then the main character is like, thanks, and the small person is like, *beams*.

I just can't handle it. I can’t handle it in real life and I can’t handle it on T.V.

Just CALM yourselves. Take it down a notch. Not everyone can be Chandler. Some of you have to be Ross.

Character Analysis:

I feel like the guys on this show--who in my opinion are a lot funnier than the girls--are basically slightly different versions of the guys on New Girl. Dave, a.k.a. Nick, has the potential to be quite funny when he's not trying so hard. I actually like him. And Brad seems a little less spazzy than the others. A little more reasonable. He's Winston (can't help the obvious coincidence). Fairly likeable. I also noticed traces of Schmidt's voice in Max during the scavenger hunt episode.

But I don't get Max at all. I get that he's The Weird One, but there’s no quirky twist to him. He's not weird yet endearing, or weird yet hilarious. He's just plain weird. Like the kid in your middle school that stood in the corner and mumbled to himself about aliens. He doesn’t seem to add anything to the cast.

I still think Casey Wilson is the worst and opens her mouth far wider than necessary when she speaks, but at least they make fun of her character in the show. They're not trying to pass her off as super likable, so she's a little easier to take knowing that.

Alex is just a caricature of a dumb blonde. It's not even believable. Guys, she actually said "I HAVE A BRAIN IDEA." This is not the bachelor. We don't need that kind of nonsense in scripted television. We have enough of that in reality T.V.

[Also something I get enough of in real life and don't need in my TV lineup: verbal abbreviations. There is no need for "wherevs" (PENNY) or "solush" (DAVE). That's no longer cute.]

No real feelings about Jane other than the fact that I feel like she’d be mean to me if I ever met her.

So, in conclusion, a few of the characters have potential, and I can see how you could like them, but the group dynamic is so overwhelming that I still can’t officially get behind it.

Where do you stand on Happy Endings?