I'm the rebel.


Could we with ink the ocean fill,

And were the skies of parchment made,

Were every stalk on earth a quill,

And every man a scribe by trade;

To write the love of God above

Would drain the ocean dry;

Nor could the scroll contain the whole,

Though stretched from sky to sky.

To understand the concept expressed in this hymn is to understand the depths of our own depravity. To speak this way of God's love requires us to understand the extent of love it would have taken to reconcile us to him, because of how far away we stood.

I want to think of God's love in such a way.

I don't, though. Because honestly, I think I'm generally pretty lovable.

What's not to love? I'm a nice person. I do my best. I don't do any of the really bad sins. I'm the stereotypical "good girl."

I play myself as the innocent victim so often. I give him the puppy dog eyes: but...all things considered...I'm doing pretty okay, right God?

But I'm not the victim. I'm the rebel. In every way.

If nothing else, I fail to see God for the majesty of who he is, and I have an extremely inflated view of my own importance and desires. That in itself is an abomination. My belittling of the most high God, the Almighty King of the universe. I make him small in my mind. I ignore him, and I care far more about my image than about his glory. I care far more about temporal things than about the eternal.

I even dare to doubt the eternal. I see only what is directly in front of my face. Because at least I know for sure this is real.

I'd rather take a world of pain and suffering than hope in a heaven that might not exist.

What is wrong with me? I have such little faith. Sometimes it's embarrassing, to be honest.


he loves us so greatly and so perfectly. It's humbling. I can't look him in the eye. All I can do is collapse onto him with my head towards the ground and weep. Just like the prodigal. God is far better than anything I could wish to deserve.

I love the sheer magnitude of God in this hymn. That we as mere human beings can never fully attest to the greatness of God and his love towards us. I'm reminded of this verse that fills me with wonder every time I read it:

Now there are also many other things that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. [John 21:25]

We spit in his face continually, yet he waits for us to turn around. Even now, he waits for you. You personally. Not some general "you" in the sense that he wants us all. He waits for you.

It's unexplainable--unfathomable-- this love of God--as the hymn describes. It makes no sense whatsoever. Why does he love us? Why? There is no logical reason why he should love us.

I'm not really sure why he does.

I suppose simply because we are his.

I am forever inexpressibly grateful.