[Dramatic temple-rub with eyes closed]
I don't even know where to start.
First, you put Community on hiatus, which was a terrible decision in itself. Then, we rally together in an inspirational protest to defend its honor and you decide to bring it back. THEN you only sign it AND 30 Rock AND Parks and Rec for a measly 13-episodes and end them altogether?
EDIT: Between the writing and publishing of this post, it has come to my attention that "no decision has been made" about canceling these shows...but let's be honest, it doesn't look good.
What is wrong with you? Are you on drugs? Seriously. Are you? Drugs affect your ability to make sound decisions, and you are not making sound decisions ergo, DRUGS.
You literally slashed my weekly shows down by approximately 50 percent. No more Liz Lemon. No more Ron Swanson. No more Troy and Abed. What are you doing to us? What am I supposed to watch now? What else is even on NBC besides The Voice?
And if any Thursday night show needs to get a shortened final season, it's The Office. Hands down. That show is a mere shell of what it once was. And yet that unstable mess gets its full 22-episodes.
You are alienating your only loyal fan base, here. The only ones who didn't think you were the worst network on television. And now, guess what? You are. You really, really are.
I cannot believe your replacement shows feature Matthew Perry and Anne Heche. I just…I don't even know how to respond to that. I mean, I love Chandler and everything, but man. That is just bleak.
UGH. I feel like I'm disciplining a dog, here. NO. BAD NBC. BAD. GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE.
Who is in charge of these decisions? The same guy that kicked Conan out? It's that guy, isn't it? I hate that guy. He sucks the joy out of everything. The odds are about 100 percent that he wears a monocle and has a maniacal laugh.
I'm just disappointed in you, NBC, that's all. I just didn't know ratings were all that mattered to you. I didn't know you cared more about the opinion of the majority (who, by the way, sees Two and a Half Men as quality television) than making great comedy and respecting fan loyalty. That's right. I'm guilt-tripping you. Because you deserve it. So whatever, I thought you were above that, but you're not. It's fine. See if we care. See if we ever come back.
Except, y'know, when SNL is on. Because it's an institution. And Will Ferrell hosted this weekend. But other than that: never coming back.
EDIT NUMBER TWO: I have also just been informed that NBC has officially cancelled The Sing-Off, which takes my hatred towards them to a whole new level. A level which makes me want to barge into their offices and start turning over desks. Don't mess with my acapella competitions.
What show would you fight the most violently to keep?