I'm going to level with you. I totally had another post nearly finished and this image was going to be a side note, but I had too many sub-side notes to remain cohesive. Even for me, the girl whose paragraphs are rampant with parentheses.
Because of this I present to you the third installment of "A Picture is Worth 1000 Words," which I have deemed the Allspice Edition. See what I did there? Because allspice is actually a spice, but it's also ALL the Spices. All in a row. Like in your pantry. Because they're spices.
Background: This picture was taken because the Spice Girls will soon have their very own musical entitled Viva Forever. Yep. Real life, people.
I have a bone to pick with so-called Ginger Spice. I feel like she should be legally obligated to maintain her red hair color throughout the remainder of her life. She can't just decide to be blonde. 1) there is already a blonde one, and 2) her name is still Ginger Spice. You can't be Ginger Spice if you're not a ginger, and you can't change your name to Blondie Spice. Because that's not a thing and it sounds dumb. It would alter my entire childhood, and they already took away Pluto, so they can't take away Ginger Spice.
But let's move past Ginger's unapologetic betrayal of her Spice identity and talk about why Scary Spice looks so uncomfortable in this photo.
Possible reasons Scary Spice is wearing that look on her face:
1. She's actually not the real Scary Spice, which makes the rest of the spices a little bit racist.
2. She just found out about the musical.
3. She's whispering into a tiny microphone to her publicist about how Baby Spice doesn't look so "baby" anymore.
4. She thinks Posh is a vampire (a fair assumption, based on this picture).
5. She's trying to scratch an itch on her heel with the toe of her other foot. It's not going well.
6. Sporty Spice is secretly touching her butt.
7. She is wondering who Baby Spice's twin is and what she's done with Ginger Spice.
8. She's sending signals to her bodyguard off-camera trying to get him to rescue her from this social suicide.
9. She thought this was going to be a business meeting about trademarking "zig-a-zig-ha."
10. "Spice World" is playing on a TV in the corner and she's lost in thought, questioning her life decisions up until this point.
Your turn. What do you think she's doing?
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