John Mayer + Katy Perry: The Relationship No One Knew About


Y'know, I like to think of myself of somewhat of a pop culture connoisseur. Okay, maybe connoisseur is too strong of a word (considering, as my computer just pointed out, I don't even know how to spell it). But I keep up with things. I generally know who's having babies and who threw their hat into the ring this week to be considered for an American Idol judge.

But this somehow slipped under my nose, and like all amateurs who claim to be experts, I blame someone else. That someone is the media.

When two mega celebrities--one coming off a highly publicized divorce and 3D film and the other coming off a new album and two years in woodland solitude--decide to date, or at least be seen together, which is the celebrity equivalent, we have a right to know, okay?

So my point in all this is to tell you that John Mayer and Katy Perry have not only been dating, but have already broken up. Apparently this had been going on for months and no one bothered to tell me.

Why was this not on the cover of US Weekly so that I could at least catch a glimpse while I wait 45 minutes for the lady in front of me to pay for her groceries with a check?

Sure, some unknown somebody gets us all riled up that Maynard cheated on One F Jef (apparently they both deny it and I believe them because I like to believe believe One F is incapable of lying) and it's plastered all over that glossy glorified tabloid the next day. But an unfortunate-looking-yet-super-popular songwriter and a girl who wears cupcake bras as clothing start making out in public and no one thinks this is important enough to make sweeping declarations about?

I'm appalled.

Y'know, I would expect this from more reputable sources who don't want to "jump to conclusions" and are worried about "libel," but not from you, celebrity gossip magazines. You have a reputation to uphold. You have to be the one making wild assumptions and throwing them out there as fact, citing only "a source" as reference. That's your job, guys. If you're not doing it, who is?

And now it's over. And I totally missed it. It came and went with nary a word about the blue-haired diva and her homeless-looking crooner.

What made this FINALLY grace the digital pages of EW's Popwatch and therefore brought it to my attention? John Mayer's "break-over" haircut.

A haircut.

Sigh. Get your priorities straight, EW. In the hierarchy of celebrity news, chart-topping pop stars dating each other far exceeds haircuts.

Unless it's Justin Bieber. Then all bets are off.

What should John Mayer and Katy Perry's celebrity couple name have been? 

P.S. Chris Pratt (Andy from Parks and Rec but really Bright Abbott from Everwood) and Anna Ferris also had a baby. Did you even know they were together, let alone pregnant? Neither did I. THE BALL IS OVER THERE, MAGAZINES. Go pick it up, please, and try not to drop it again.