Only in Mississippi: Circus Elephant Shot in Drive-By

You guys, get ready to be outraged. The Ringling Brothers circus came to town in Tupelo, Mississippi and will leave changed, never to be the same.

Why? One of the stars of their show was shot in a drive-by. And she is an elephant.

She's expected to make a full recovery, but I mean honestly, what is the world coming to? I, for one, am appalled.

Sigh. Just another case of elephant-on-elephant gang violence. It's a shame that it's come to this. I thought they were cracking down on that sort of thing.

I feel like there should be some kind of buddy cop lifetime movie (that's a thing, right?) about this story where the exasperated old guy and overzealous young guy are at the end of their ropes because they've gotten nowhere in making the streets of Tupelo safer for circus elephants. Where is Danny Glover when you need him?


And isn't Mississippi totally a setting where this movie (and I suppose REAL LIFE STORY) would take place? Like, this WOULD happen in Mississippi. I'm just glad it wasn't Alabama, because let's face it, my home state doesn't have the best track record. Really dodged a bullet with this one.

What is even more shocking and appalling is the people who were interviewed for the news story.

The mayor, for instance, is interviewed to clarify that yes, the elephant DOES have a wound, and it is located between her ear and what he guesses "you would have to call the base of the neck...area."

Then, because they need more than one credible witness to do this sort of pulitzer-worthy investigative journalism, they chose to interview a convenience store clerk. At her post.

Didn't even take her outside to interview her. Just walked into a TigerMart and stuck a microphone in her face. There are cigarettes on display behind her in the shot.

Oh, Mississippi. This story could've been a journalistic masterpiece: a piece of television news that took viewers on an emotional journey chronicling the sad vicious cycle of circus-related crimes and gang violence but ending with hope for poor Carol the elephant, an innocent victim who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Simply another byproduct of the seedy underbelly of Tupelo, Mississippi.

That's why I'm going to take it upon myself to create this lifetime movie. I mean it could totally work. Mississippi in the summertime (or what might as well be summertime). Heat rising off the sidewalk, deadend leads, policemen sitting in a rundown diner going over the evidence for the 87th time...doesn't it sound like a thing? Who do I have to call to make Carol the Elephant's story known?

Feel free to send Carol your well wishes (or pitch actor ideas for the lifetime movie) in the comments.

If she could read, I'm sure she would read my blog. She seems like the kind of cool elephant who would totally be interested in pop culture. Poor Carol. Get well soon, old girl. (I feel like it's somehow appropriate to call animals like horses & elephants "old girl.")