Once upon a time, there was a man named JC Chasez. As an adolescent, JC was on top of the world. Spiked hair, four best friends, dream job and ladies everywhere he looked. Yes, JC was living the dream. Until one day around 2003 he woke up. His best friend had abandoned him for a solo career, and there was nothing left to do but make it on his own.
A failed solo career and a few hosting gigs later, JC Chasez is back. And not just because N*Sync might be performing at the VMA's (Remember the VMA's? Is this them trying to get us to remember the VMA's?).
JC Chasez has formed a girl group.
Unfortunately he is not part of this group, but he is the orchestrator, and it has what appears to be about 800 members.
The group is called Girl Radical, and according to their website it's inspired by the success of Japanese giant girl groups (these sound only vaguely familiar to me) and is "part flash mob, part girl group, all personality."
Sorry I'm back I just had to go vomit real quick. Really? PART FLASH MOB? I thought we were done with flash mobs?! Why are you doing this to us, JC? Are you trying to outdo James Franco? This really feels like a James Franco kind of move. (Heads up: you will never out-crazy James Franco.)
What makes this whole operation even more Franco-esque is the fact that, according to this article, the girls actually changed their last name to "Radical." Not necessarily legally, but it is what they are going by. Additionally the member put together a video for James Franco I mean JC Chasez' birthday thanking him for all he's done for them (NEWSFLASH: you are not Beyonce yet) and are we not getting a little bit nervous at this point?
And it's all for THIS. This is the kind of nonsense this group churns out:
First of all, they are all singing in unison, and to the regular radio track in which the vocals are STILL THERE. First rule of karaoke is you cannot sing OVER TOP of the original vocals. Second of all, look how much those people hate their lives. That is because of YOU, Girl Radical. That's on you. Third of all, that song? Really?
This is their first music video. A cover of "Just a Girl" by No Doubt. Hold onto your butts, anyone who respects the art of music, because it's a doozy:
I feel like as a woman they want me to be all "Yeah! You go! Girl Power! Spice up your life!" But I JUST CAN'T because it is SO awful.
1) The arrangement, I just…no. 2) The rapping, no even more. 3) They are terrible lip syncers. 4) Why do they look like I bought a variety pack of the same woman prototype? 5) YOU STOP DOING THIS TO GWEN STEFANI. What did she ever do to you? You are not even perpetuating what this song is about. She would be appalled. APPALLED, I say. SHE is "Girl Power!" YOU are "Please stop trying to represent women because I did not ask for this." She is awesome and you are the worst.
Additionally let me just say that this many women cannot be in a group together and remain all smiley and "these women are my BAST frands" (noted in the JC Birthday video). It will not work. It's science. Women do not just…get along…like that. Especially considering the amount of insecurity trapped within any given one of these girls. Have these people ever seen The Bachelor? This is why the guys leave The Bachelorette with all 25 of them being Bros 4 Lyfe and the girls might find one person they take Instagrams with but other than that, no. That never happens. Not even in non-hollywood life. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I'm just saying it's a thing. Groups of about 5 or less and we're done here. After that it starts splitting into cliques and it's all downhill from there.
Mark my words: this will not end well.
But hey all ol' JC would have to do is get a few other beautiful women with long hair, varying ethnicities and about 5' 9" and no one would ever notice.
So in conclusion, JC Chasez started a delusional girl group that is really more like a mini-cult.
Is this or is this not the most awful thing you've ever seen?
Thanks to Jackson Pearce for alerting me to this ridiculousness. You should follow her, by the way. She is an author and she is funny.