A Campaign Against British Actors Using American Accents

Super-Clyde Today I need to get something off my chest. Something that has been grating on my nerves for a while now, basically ever since Perks of Being a Wallflower came out.

The Brits have set a precedent. Their culture is filled with propriety and tea and King Charles Spaniels and Benedict Cumberbatch and we have come to know and love it. We will never be as classy as them, and we have come to accept that because we have Beyonce and Friday Night Lights.

But to be fair, they have the trump card: the accent. I mean I like my country and everything, but it's a proven fact that British accents are 800% more charming than American ones.

They are delightful. A British accent can make anything sound pleasant: cuss words, politics, traveling through time and space...even advertising. I had the joyful surprise of hearing a British voice on the end of my phone call to place an ad order for work the other day (he even called it an "advert" you guys), and I swear I felt the tension leave my shoulders. Could British accents have healing powers? That's a topic for another day.

There are varying brands of British accents, just like there are in the states (Southern, Midwestern, Northern). I don't know what the categories are in England, besides "Russell Brand style" and "everyone else," but I know British people can tell a difference.

In light of this, I have long championed Emma Watson's accent as the quintessential, perfect British accent. It's soothing, proper and delightful. Everything you want in an accent.

One sad day, after Harry Potter had come and gone (don't let me think about that too long), Emma decided to do a movie entitled Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Now, this movie was actually a pretty good movie, I do have to say. But the absolute worst part of it was that Emma Watson ABANDONED her perfect accent in lieu of an American one.

It is a travesty. A TRAVESTY, I tell you.

She did the same thing in the Bling Ring and I can't even watch the movie because the trailer made me so depressed. She talks like Paris Hilton and I can't. EVEN.

Yesterday I discovered online the pilot that CBS didn't pick up for Rupert Grint's TV show, Super Clyde. Did you know he was making an American show for network television? I sure didn't. But I was intrigued.

So I clicked on the link to CBS's website to watch the pilot. I knew there was a distinct possibility he could have made the same mistake as young Emma, but I prayed it wasn't true. Maybe he was a British foreign exchange student. Maybe it was set in England. Maybe his family just moved to the U.S. All viable options.

But no. HE ABANDONED HIS ACCENT TOO. The show actually wasn't terrible (from what I saw--I haven't finished it yet) and I probably would've watched it at least for a season just to support him, but it literally does not even sound like him. Neither did Emma's characters.

How is it possible that British voices immediately become unrecognizable upon speaking with an American accent? Is that true with all accents?

Rupert's wasn't even a great American accent, to be honest. I'm kind of AWARE he's pretending to be American. Like there's a word here or there that's just TOO Boston-y in a sea of generic American words or something. Like it's a hodgepodge of American accents that doesn't occur in nature. That's probably what they think when we do British accents.

But that's beside the point.

The point is THIS: Why on God's green earth would you CHOOSE to have an American accent instead of your perfectly charming British one? I mean sure it distances yourself from your Harry Potter past but, to quote Ann Perkins, God, at what cost?!

Are you not aware of the complete infatuation we have with your TV shows? If BBC gave Rupert Grint a TV show and he kept his accent and it was even a half-decent show, WE WOULD WATCH IT.

Emma. Rupert. What are you doing? You don't have to become someone you're not just to continue your success. Especially not become an American. We already have too many of those, anyway. We like you just the way you are.

I have also read recently that David Tennant is on board for an AMERICAN VERSION OF BROADCHURCH. Now, I have already gushed about that show extensively on Xtra Bacon and on Twitter, so you know how I feel about that show, and I can't tell you how appalled I am. They are already signed on for a second season of the British version, so this makes even less sense.

But the real cherry on top of this poop sundae of awfulness is that David is going to use an American accent. It was hard enough having to accept his real Scottish accent after watching him do a British one in Doctor Who, but at least he was staying true to his roots. Now I have to watch him be a less-charming AMERICAN?

Who is in charge of this?

British People: KEEP YOUR ACCENTS. We like it better and you will make more money. No need to stoop to our level with our working-class accents. Just be you. You're taking over everything anyway, you might as well do it while tricking us into thinking we're getting something out of it. Say anything with that accent and we will just nod and drool.

And if Benedict Cumberbatch stars in a new ABC drama with an American accent, SO HELP ME.

Who do you think has the perfect British accent? Are you ok with Brits doing American accents?