The Paradox of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Photobucket Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Let's talk about him for a minute. Is there any single celebrity who makes less sense as a human being? He's a walking contradiction, and yet he still manages to succeed. I'm intrigued. I want to know how he does it.

Let's take a look at the scorecard, shall we?

(With a little help from my good friend Wikipedia, of course. Fun facts, by the way: Wikipedia separates his entry into "The Rock" and "Dwayne Johnson" and gives them individual side bars. Also his credits under "Dwayne Johnson" are as follows: actor, wrestler and ---wait for it---philanthropist.)

  1. Born with the name Dwayne. -1
  2. Played college football. +2
  3. Began his career as a successful professional wrestler and dubbed himself "The Rock." +1
  4. Hosts SNL in 2000, launching his acting career. [spoiler alert: this is where it starts getting iffy.] +2
  5. Appears in the Mummy movies. [neutral]
  6. Cast as the lead in a Johnny Bravo film, but it is canceled during production [sad trombone]. -3
  7. Appears in an episode of the Disney Channel's Corey in the House in an episode called "Never the Dwayne Shall Meet." -7
  8. Plays supporting role [Agent 23] in Steve Carrell's Get Smart. +1 (I guess.)
  9. Plays "The Rock Obama" on SNL. +3
  10. Headlines the movie "The Tooth Fairy"…playing The Tooth Fairy. -8 billion
  11. RETURNS TO WRESTLING and people still take him seriously. I just…I don't even know how to score that. -10 to wrestling, +10 to The Rock for pulling it off.

How do you play The Tooth Fairy, then turn around and be a wrestler again? Why did the other wrestlers not just beat him up on the spot, call him a pretty boy, take his lunch money and tell him to go home? What is this power he has over society that he is taken seriously in both acting AND wrestling? I want to know what he knows.

Maybe Dwayne The Rock Johnson has figured out the secret to success. Maybe he has all the answers, guys. Or maybe he's secretly a wizard and casts spells on people so that they will just let him keep doing stuff. Maybe all the executives have all been put under the imperious curse! Oh no…Dwayne The Rock Johnson is a death eater!

Wait…wait…no. That's not real. That's just Harry Potter again. Sorry guys. Sometimes I forget what's real and what's Harry Potter.


All that to say, Dwayne, I don't know what your angle is or how you are managing this dual persona, but I salute you. I won't watch your movies and I don't like wrestling, but I salute you.

Who's your favorite athlete-turned-actor? I call Michael Jordan in Space Jam. (SNL counts as acting.)