I want to high five whoever got away with writing this headline. It had to be an intern, right?
This anchor must hate her life, having to report nonsense stories like Robin on How I Met Your Mother. But for the record, she does have a British accent, so she's got that going for her.
CNN probably figured it would never see the light of day after its initial posting, but thanks to the saddest headline of all time ("Rare Baby Panda Dies"), this gem of a video was on the sidebar as a related story.
Why, you ask? The tea is made with panda poop.
And apparently everyone wants to get their hands on summa that panda poop over in China, because its inclusion makes the aforementioned tea very expensive. (This would fail in the U.S., I'm almost certain. But crazier things have happened. Like Doritos Locos Tacos.)
Disappointingly, the tea does not actually contain panda poop, like an even more disgusting version of already-disgusting bubble tea, which I was picturing. The tea leaves are just fertilized with it. Which is way less exciting.
But hey, it's the punny headline that counts, am I right?
To quote Avery Jessup, "It's a 24-hour news cycle, Jack, we really don't have time to do it right anymore."
I'm sure we're making lyricist and composer Irving Caesar, who wrote "Tea for Two" as part of a musical in 1925 (according to Wikipedia), super proud by using his lyrics in such an honorable way.
Sorry, Irv. I'm sure you slaved over this song for months, trying to pick the perfect words to express the theme you envisioned, and we replaced one of those words with "poo." All in the name of a cheap headline for a fluff story. But we also revived your song with singing cartoon chipmunks in 1965, so...I think we can call it even.
[SIDE NOTE: Does this headline count as a parody even though it's a somewhat-serious news story? Or would Irving's family receive royalties for this? That would be a hilarious royalty check. These are the kinds of things you think about when you went to Belmont for undergrad.]
So touché, intern at CNN, whoever you are. You're doing our generation proud.
Have you ever eaten/drunk a totally weird delicacy in another country like fancy Panda Poop Tea?