Product Pitch: Dark Mark Cream for Former Death Eaters

There are infomercials for a myriad of ridiculous products--some for people who can't seem open things without it ending in disaster, some to help people lie about their age, some to take care of pets when their owners don't want to. Recently I saw an ad for one of those blemish-correcting creams (real talk: do those actually work?). It touted the fact that it got rid of unsightly spots and dots and wrinkles, whatever. You know the drill.

But rather than using the term "dark spots," like most commercials do, this particular one chose to use the phrase "dark marks."

Ohhh, random fix-it cream. You have just made this Harry Potter nerd's day. What resulted was the following product of my imagination. So without further ado, I present to you the ad spot I would pitch for this cream if it actually got rid of dark marks:


Are you a disgraced Death Eater? Did you align yourself with the face of pure evil against your better judgment, only to find that good really does always triumph, just like your mother warned you?

We know what it's like. You sulk through the cobbled streets of Diagon Alley with your head hung low. You sweat constantly in the summertime because you're forced to wear long sleeves to conceal the tell-tale symbol of your treachery. You long to cast off your robe and feel the breeze cascade over your forearms without risking being stupefied by random passersby (old habits die hard, you know).

Death Eater 1

Storyboard Frame 1 Draft

Well, we're here to help.

Introducing Dark Mark Cream! Your ticket to assimilating back into society and living out the rest of our days a wizard free from shame.

Death Eater 2

Storyboard Frame 2 Draft

This magical ointment is no Weasley trickery. Just three applications daily, and in a matter of months your ominous snake tattoo will start to fade--and your poor reputation along with it.

Death Eater 3

Storyboard Frame 3 Draft

The secret is rare basilisk venom--known for its infamous destruction of He Who Must Not Be Named. Just a drop of the coveted serum in each bottle allows the balm to seep into your skin and ZAP that evil right out.

So stop sweating and start salving. It's time to get your life back.

Death Eater 4

Storyboard Frame 4 Draft

Dark Mark Cream: Because everyone makes mistakes.

Available wherever shameful antidotes are sold. And probably Borgin and Bourke's.