One of the presents the Internet gave us all for Valentine's Day last week is this video of Vin Diesel singing Rihanna's woe-is-me-I-still-date-Chris-Brown-out-of-pure-defiance song, "Stay."
Because the Internet is a nonsensical place, I'm overlooking the mere fact that this video exists (and was posted--on purpose-- by Vin himself) and moving on to analyzing it.
I maintain that even with all the bad vlogging and the Harlem Shaking and the amateur music videos floating around on YouTube, this uncomfortable performance might still be a lead contender for Most Awkward Video of All Time.
First of all, he's standing alone in the corner of what appears to be some sort of hotel ballroom or private dining area at an Italian restaurant where I can only assume he has brought and set up his own projector and PA system just to perform this drag of a song for whatever ragtag group he's assembled there.
Second of all, he sounds like a super villain lamenting mid-movie soliloquy-style, where he is either about to have a change of heart or sink even deeper into his despair-driven evil ways. It's like he's some kind of sinister Jean Val Jean with a really, really fat frog in his throat.
I want to know for whom he is performing in this video.
Is it a secret supervillain society board meeting? Or is he just showing off for his extended family? Or did he rent this room solely to make this video and there is actually no audience at all?
Moving on, we soon get a taste of Vin Diesel's falsetto. Oh, the falsetto. Who told Vin Diesel it was a good idea to sing Rihanna in his head voice?
You may also notice that in addition to singing like a small child, he is doing so on top of the existing Rihanna track. You're seriously telling me he couldn't afford to splurge on the karaoke version or get a friend who knows audio engineering to take out the vocals for him?
I mean, honestly Vin. Go big or go home, I say.
Finally, he refers to Valentine's Day as V-Day. Verbally. I refuse to accept that. You've already wasted three minutes of our lives with the rest of this mockery, what's one more second to say "alentine's"? Were you trying to maintain some loosely-defined street cred? Because I think you've gone too far into the red on that to have any hope of breaking even by 2014.
I just don't know what he was trying to accomplish with this. Women are not impressed. Men are simply offended. Who was he trying to win over? Rihanna fans? (I don't know where they are, but I assume they still exist.) If I were one, I'd have probably just yelled at you to shut up and let the Rihanna sing.
The video has now been removed by the user (shocking), so I guess he actually watched it back at some point. I suppose he'll just have to go back to filming whatever Fast & Furious movie they're on now. 8, I wanna say? If they'll have him. Godspeed, Vin Diesel. Godspeed.
What's the most awkward YouTube video you've seen? (put a link in the comments so we can all be uncomfortable together)