Toddlers and Award Show Gowns

As a woman, I get it. We love all things mini. Salt shakers, TOMS, pigs. If it's about 30 percent or less the size of the original, it's automatically adorable. But I don't understand the point of this "project." I use quotes because I don't really know how this can be construed as a project if there is no artistic or practical value whatsoever.


It's eloquently named "ToddleWood," (not a thing) and basically this photographer lady thought her kid looked like Donna Summer so she dressed her up like Donna and took pictures and decided that it would be totally a great idea to do this to other people's kids, too.

If you're wondering if this exactly like Cam from Modern Family used to do to Cute Lilly (not to be confused with New Lilly, who is the worst), you'd be right.

I'm not the least bit surprised that this is being touted as a respectable artistic endeavor, I just have trouble understanding why. What justifies its existence?

Is it a commentary on society? No. It is literally a replica of society.

Is it filling some previously glaring hole in our culture? No. In no way did we need this. Plus we have Honey Boo Boo so that's enough out of makeup-wearing toddlers for a while.

Is it raising money for some sort of charity? As far as I can tell, no.

Is this photographer Anne Geddes? No.

I mean really. What are we doing here, guys? Let's just reign it in, okay? How about doing something more productive with your time?

We are supposed to be impressed that the group turned around this Golden Globes photoshoot in two days.

Here is a list of things you could have done with those two days instead:

1) Written a letter to your congressman. Several times. 2) Volunteered at a homeless shelter. 3) Painted a picture. (A.K.A. real art.) 4) Petted a goat at a zoo. 5) Learned how to play a song on the ukelele and posted it on youtube. Sure, it would be cliche, but then you could've said "hey, I didn't dress any kids up like Anne Hathaway in the last 48 hours. High five, me." Which is something you no longer have the privilege of saying. 6) Written a zombie novel. (How hard could it be?) 7) Broken the world record for most Girl Scout Cookies eaten in a day. (Actually, no, you couldn't do that until mid-February. Curse you, tiny salespeople and your parents who actually do all the work. You expect too much of us.) 8) Memorized the presidents. 9) Organized a protest against leggings being worn as pants. (Please. It's for the children.) 10) Binge-watched Friday Night Lights (highly recommended).

But no, you didn't. You did this:



And this:


Ok but seriously how beautiful is that child?


And this:



Is this even creative? You're literally trying to copy someone as accurately as possible. They say copying is the sincerest form of flattery, but any sixth grader with a best friend who won't just pick her own darn Halloween costume knows that's total crap.

I think Taylor Swift would say the same, don't you? Or at least write it in her journal because she's too nice to say it to your face.

These children do not even count as toddlers. You don't get to pass as a toddler anymore if you are old enough to go to school. Sure these kids may long for that youthful look of yore, but those days are gone, okay? Welcome to elementary school, kid. Wake up and smell Presidential fitness test.

So I say, creators of this alleged "project," just take a beat, maybe join a book club or volunteer somewhere or something, and go from there. That's all I ask.

Only-slightly-related question: what was your favorite Halloween costume (whether your friend totally copied it or not)?